Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
