I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
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