Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
