Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
