Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
