I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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