Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
