I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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