I'm going to rape someone's good day.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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