I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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