the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
