they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
