she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize