A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
