her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
