We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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