I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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