I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
