sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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