i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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