apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I am mentally ready for anal.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
