hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
ttyl tear gas
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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