I want to make a zoo with you.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
