Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
