Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
this is an emotional support booty call
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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