My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
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