THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
