I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
