If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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