You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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