What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
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I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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