AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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