I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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