looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
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Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
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You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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