I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Randomize
