Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
