Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
