Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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