there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Randomize
