i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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