I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
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