used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
