Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Randomize
