my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
