i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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