the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
