plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
