peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
