woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
