If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
a search helicopter?!
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
