I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
