well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Well I just put wine in my tea
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
