One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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