Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
