Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
