Screwed.edu
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
