Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
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