I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
