I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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