if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize