my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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