that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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