Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
